Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
