So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
