And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
