You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
