u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I checked into jail on foursquare
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
