So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't turn off my feet"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
