someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
