Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She announced her abortion via fbk
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
