omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
