Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
