No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
