I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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