one might say we're banned from that church
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
