do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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