READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
