omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
