He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
