I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
