well you can't waste a boner
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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