I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
