You don't have asthma, your pregnant
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
