Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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