I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
