I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
