How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
