oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
