i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just pee around me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
