If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
