is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
