Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
