yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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