i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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