I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
