Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
