There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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