Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
