You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
