Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
