I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
