I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you would pick up someone in the library
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
