You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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