i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
