Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
