Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
be right there i have to get my cape
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
