every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
