a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
