you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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