You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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