he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
