White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
